Posts Tagged sexual abuse
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am definitely not a prude. If someone was to call me a “piece of ass” I’d take it as a compliment, because your average 20-40 year old guy probably uses the term more often than not, and not in a derogatory way – its just merely a way of them saying that the woman who has caught their eye – is sexy. But there is a time and a place for everything, and there is also a way of saying it that can turn a simple phrase into something vulgar and disgusting.
EmCee has a way of offending me with his comments. Deep down in my heart, I know that’s just the way he is – as my dear (deceased) grandmother would say, “He’s crude, rude and uncouth.” (Mind, you she never met EmCee, but I know that famous phrase of hers would have been uttered if she met him).
So EmCee is a little rough around the edges sometimes. I know he doesn’t always mean what he says. I know he’s not the roses and romance type. I knew this when I married him.
But after nearly 10 years of being together, you would think he would know me well enough to know what to say to get laid.
Tuesday night (Jan 18, 2011) I was watching TV, one of my favorite shows, The Good Wife. After it was over EmCee starts flipping through the DVR and puts on the Playboy show Foursome. I sit idly by, on the couch, watching not for the sex, but gawking at the stupidity of the episode’s cast. After that show finished, EmCee pulls out a bag full of porn videos (that he picked up from his friend) and proceeds to put one in.
I start to doze off on the couch, after all it’s nearly 1 am and I was tired from working all day (and subsequently doing the household chores, dinner, homework and such). But God forbid, I tell EmCee I am tired and want to go to sleep, he pouts like a 2 year old.
At 1:30 am as I am napping (I wouldn’t call it sleep), I get woken up, “Let me see that ass of yours.”
Excuse me? The mere words disgust me. Now, I understand every couple has 3 stages of sex – fucking (when you just have to have your partner for a quick romp), sex (when you just want sex and you love your partner) and making love (you know the soft sweet, kiss you all night, caress you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear). Mind you, EmCee has only 1 version of sex in his repertoire – and that’s fucking.
Usually, our sex session will consist of: EmCee expecting a blow job – a blow job is his idea of foreplay and he gives nothing in return to arouse me or get me interested. After he gets a little head, he then expects to fuck and everytime he tries to have anal sex with me (which at this point, I flat out refuse to give into). Once he’s done fucking me and is ready to “bust a nut” (as he so eloquently calls it) he pulls out, cums on some body part and then walks out to clean himself up.
While I am left in the bed, unfulfilled, unsatisfied and left holding the vibrator to please myself. That’s just a saying, not that I’m using a vibrator while he fucks me (I’m usually just praying that he finishes up quickly), but the point is, if I want to orgasm, at this point, I need to use a vibrator because EmCee is done “working”. He will then lay on the bed, smoke a cigarette and watch TV ignoring me.
So then what’s the point of me having sex with him? Give me one good reason why, I should have sex with him, when sex is a one way street?
And I’ve told him, time and time again, if you want to get me interested, why don’t you initiate sex, you know, touch me, talk to me, kiss me, go down on me (oral sex), do something … just don’t expect me to give you a blow job and get in the mood without even warming me up! His response usually is, well I kiss you and you pull away, I try to touch you and you don’t like it, I’ve tried to give you oral sex and you don’t like it.
Yes, EmCee that’s because your level of enthusiasm for doing any of those things is rated at a -10 (negative). You don’t put any effort into it. I think you rather eat a bowl of spaghetti than touch me or try to arouse me.
So when EmCee tells me, “Let me see that ass of yours.” It’s no wonder why I am unresponsive. Whenever we have sex it’s not pleasurable for me. It’s boring, routine and quite frankly, I feel that I am just being used. That’s not love. Maybe in his head that’s love, but it’s not for me, not anymore. I refuse to be used as a “Piece of Ass.”