Some days are better than others, this I know is true. And it is often that these days, are the days when things just look OK, that life is tolerable and that I can make it through. But no matter how good those days are, I can’t see that I am truly happy in the situation I am in.
I had a conversation with my mother the other day about Emcee (that’s the name I will give my husband on here, because he always likes to be the center of attention and hold “court” as he calls it). I told my mother straight out, “I love him in the sense that I want him to be happy and not be alone, but overall, I am not in love with him.”
I could list a million things he does that absolutely drive me insane, but the bottom line is, no one is going to get a divorce over not flushing the toilet, or constantly being on the cell phone, or falling asleep on the couch and snoring during my favorite show. Those are the little things you come to live with and accept as part of your partner.
It’s the big things, the constant never changing attributes that slowly gnaw at the relationship, eventually slowing its growth and being in charge for it’s demise. Those are the things that will cause a divorce.
I’ll give you an example … my son, LittleG will push anyone’s buttons. He’s not a bad kid at all, he’s a pleasure – naturally curious, always talking and asking questions. Everyone loves him. He’s a sweet 6 year old. But he doesn’t pay attention. And that drives EmCee insane. It drives me insane too sometimes, but I don’t yell and lash out at him. EmCee will. EmCee will infact, say things to LittleG such as, “Are you retarded? Is there something wrong with you? I should take you to the doctor…”
I’ve disagreed on this with EmCee quite often, our child rearing ideas differ on this topic. My mother has said to me in EmCee’s defense, “He never had a father in his life. He doesn’t know how to be a dad.” or “You don’t think he really means that do you? That’s just the way he is.”
Maybe, just maybe, I’m crazy for thinking that this seems like verbal abuse? How you’re never supposed to use words like “retarded” towards a child? When I have corrected him, he agreed reluctantly, because he is very “old school” in his train of thought. It’s not to say it never happened again, because it has. Over and over, maybe not always the same words, but the same meaning behind them.
What disgusts me even more is that my mother stood up and defended his behavior! I know she was only trying to ration with me and calm me down, try to keep the marriage together, but I am adamant that those words are unacceptable towards a child!
It’s late and I’m tired, the sun always comes out tomorrow. And its another day. I just need someone to tell me, I’m not wrong!